just 6 weeks

about the photo: i love the way his tiny hands curl, hanging onto one another. even from birth his hands have been open as opposed to tightly shut in a fist like most newborns. during our nap today he held onto my breast with both arms as he slept and when i finally awoke and rolled away from him his arms flopped on top of one another, closing one on top of the other to fill the gap.

julius aka mister man, aka jules aka little buddy, is starting to laugh and smile at us on a regular basis. he's even doing quite a bit of talking and cooing, especially to his grandma.
his sleep pattern, however, is starting to change and i suspect he is having a growth spurt. he really spoiled us for awhile there by sleeping a whopping 5 hours at night. now it's down to about 3 but that might change in a week or two(haha.)
of course he's co-sleeping so it makes those late night/early morning feedings much easier.

birth story

i went into labor at 2:00 am on thursday, june 12th. now, i had been having contractions and false labor for several weeks but a little before 2:00 on that thursday i found myself needing to getting into water to deal with the contractions i was feeling.
friday afternoon i got a little worried because i'm a paranoid kind of person so i went and got checked by my doctor. she agreed that everything was looking great so i headed home to continue laboring in a comfortable environment. i also spent about an hour walking around the mall to keep things going.

at around 8:00 pm that night things started to really pick up and by 10:00 pm i called my doula for additional support. alan was doing an amazing job but the pain was getting stonger and i needed him to focus 100% on me and not the time of my contractions or anything like that. we also called my in-laws and had them take sylvia. i was in the tub when alan called them and sylvia got in with me for a few minutes. i found myself totally unable to communicate with her. it was bittersweet and i sobbed quite a bit. i wanted her to be there for as long as possible and looking back, i think she was.

by midnight, the pain was very strong and there wasn't a single position i got in that lessened the pain i was feeling. i started to get very tired and could barely hold my eyes open. my contractions started to run into one another and i found it increasingly difficult to walk or focus on anything except for the pain in my pelvic bone and lower back. alan was able to place his hands on my back or hips and feel each contraction through me, it was amazing. part of me felt as if something was going wrong or that something was the matter with julius because, well, it was just a feeling and i'm not sure i could accurately describe it.
i could feel myself wanting to push and that's when i decided to go to the hospital.
the car ride was awful. at one point i yelled at alan that i could not have another contraction in that car and, i didn't know this at the time, but when i told him that he started driving 100 mph. he also noticed that i was breathing like i was pushing, something beth(my doula) had warned him about so he coached me through focusing my energy on something other then pushing. he was my savior during tha car ride.

we arrived at the hospital and beth waited with me while alan checked us in. unforunately it was taking a very long time and beth could sense that i was feeling the urge to push so she helped me inside and told alan to take me up to labor and delivery. i could barely walk and inside the elevator i kept feeling my legs trying to buckle. alan held me up.

we were met by two nurses who immediately took me into a room. i went to the bathroom to give them a urine sample and found very dark and thick discharge in the toilet as well as in my sample and underwear. one nurse immediately checked me and i was 4 cms. her hand was coated with discharge and then my water broke which also had a lot of discharge in it--meconium. shortly after i starting contrating and that's when it was discovered that julius' heartrate was dropping well below 60 with each contraction and then immediately rising to the 160s and 170s post contraction. everything started moving very quickly.

my doctor arrived and checked me immediately and i was 6 cms. she also noticed that julius' arm was tucked firmly behind his head. she continued to monitor the heart rate. i was given a shot to help slow the contractions but it didn't help. i also wore an oxygen mask which didn't seem to help, either. when his heart rate began to go lower then 60 there was concern that he might not be able to take the stress of a vaginal delivery at this point. i didn't find this out until my first post pardum visit, 2 weeks after julius' birth, but my doctor also ran some tests to see how high the meconium level was in my discharge. my doctor was amazing and she made cesarean that last choice, i am thankful for that.
i was prepped for surgery and before my epidural took effect the heart rate dropped again, this time into the 30s. i was given shots to help numb the area in order to begin surgery immediately.
he was born at 2:55 am on june 14th and weighed 9lbs, 4oz.

they worked on him for several minutes inside of me, i could feel it. i started to panic after a few minutes passed and i didn't hear any cries. my arms were strapped down but i started to move them strongly and i was given a gas mask to breathe to help 'calm' me. i was also given morphine although i didn't find that out until i was with a nurse in a recovery room. nearly 20 minutes passed before they got him started. no one would tell me anything. his lungs were full of meconium. i never saw him nor did anyone tell me that he was a boy. i didn't find that out until i was out of recovery and back in my hospital room.
there i was met with a pediatrician who explained the situation to me. my baby had swallowed a large amount of meconium and was going to be transferred to a nearby hospital that was larger and more capable of treating his condition. that's when i found out he was a boy.
i was told it could be a matter of days or weeks before he would be able to come home with us but that they wouldn't know more until after the transfer. once the team arrived from the transfer hospital he would be placed in a portable incubator and then they would wheel him in to see me.
we told him hello and goodbye at 5:00 am and nearly 2 hours later we received the call saying that he was well enough to be taken off of oxygen and able to breathe on his own.

my doctor, knowing that i planned on breastfeeding, arranged for me to be discharged that afternoon so i could be with my baby and pump or feed him as soon as possible. his condition had improved and he would be able to come back to me the following day but i insisted on coming there to feed him anyway. because the hospital that housed him did not want to be liable for any injury i suffered while in their hospital they agreed to break the rules and let him be transferred back to the hospital where i was. his condition had improved so much that he could now be treated where i was and i was so relieved.
the pediatrician in charge of his care expressed his amazement at julius' turn around. never before had he seen a baby who was so lucky, he told me, not in his 25 years of medicine. he went on to say that his condition had been so severe and the amount of meconium he had swallowed was profuse; the doctor was surprised that he didn't start seizing.

when we took julius in for his follow up visit with our pediatrician, dr sangtian, he told us that if julius had remained inside of me much longer he would not have survivied. as strange as it sounds i found that information very reassuring. up until that point i had been walking around feeling like i let everyone down--alan, my doula, julius and myself. i had planned this natural birth and that is what i wanted for my child and for myself. i know now the importance of medical intervention, when used properly, it can save your child's life.

arrival

after a long wait(nearly 42 weeks,) our son julius emerson arrived. there were some complications and i plan on posting a full birth story in a day or two but for now i wanted to jump into this blog and add some photos of the new man in our lives and give you, the reader, a synopsis of the past 4 weeks.
first of all, i cannot even believe that it's been 4 weeks already! the newborn days have a tendancy to run together like that but having sylvia around makes them move along even faster. sylvia is adjusting quite well and she has grown into the best helper i could ask for. sure, we have our moments and fits of jealousy but for the most part things are moving along smoothly on that end.
julius is growing and growing fast. this weekened we had to pick up some new outfits for him because he was growing out of everything we had here. he's a big, healthy boy!
i think i speak for alan, also, when i say that we are constantly amazed by julius' strength. i don't know if he made it through that rough start he had because he is destined for greatness but i do know that he has blessed our lives with an abundance of faith and love and i cannot wait to see how he continues to grow and what kind of child and eventually the kind of man he will become.

First post

After what seemed like an eternity -- Heather was pregnant with Julius five weeks longer than with Sylvia -- Julius is finally here! He has brought joy to all of us, especially Sylvia, who loves to hold him and look at him.
Heather and I are still working on our birth stories, which take up most of our writing time, but every day Julius grows more alert and curious. He's a great sleeper, eater, and pooper, just like daddy.
We're so excited!