Just One Year

I have been thinking a great deal about this last year, Julius' first year. Tonight I think about what I was doing last year at this very same time as we began Julius' birth adventure.

This time last year I had just entered into active labor and after a failed movie watching / birthing ball bouncing excursion I had decided to call in my doula. I also called on Alan's parents to watch Sylvia.
The events of that night are well described in mine and Alan's birth stories.
I think about that night often. When Julius' starts to nod off at the breast I remember how afraid I was and uncertain if he would take to the breast at all. When he speaks and calls out my name, "Mama," I can't help but think about those hours spent waiting, not knowing if he would make it. But most of all, I think about how immensely happy he has made our lives.
Our family seemed more whole with his arrival and feels even more so with every day that passes.

Today we celebrated his first year of life with a party in the park.. last night I celebrated with Julius alone, in our big bed. He nursed off to sleep and once finished he unlatched and bopped his way up to rest his head in the crook of my arm. I watched him sleep and as he began to snore my eyes focused in on his size and how much he has grown over this last year.
It's amazing and also a little bittersweet to think that this is just the first of many birthdays he will have where I will lay or sit with him and be in awe of how fast and how big he has grown.